


Snow Like White Onions

by Anonymous



Category: SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-14 02:51:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11773962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Squidward drives, Spongebob frets.





	Snow Like White Onions

The wind carried the snow and the snow blanketed the wind. It was an event that came rarely but as it arrived, brought all life to a shuddering halt. The only exception was the two lines cutting through the frost that overlaid a long, winding road. A pair of headlights punched a hole through the dark wilderness. They belonged to a rickety boat that continued speeding along, despite the onslaught of hail clanging against its roof and hood.

Inside, however, the noise went unnoticed. Two individuals had sat in silence for several hours. Tentacles firmly gripped the wheel. In the passenger seat, the other leaned against the window, staring at the nothingness outside.

“You don’t have to do that, you know.”

His gaze finally left the window as he turned his head. “Do what?”

“Be quiet. For the first time, I’m actually asking you to be a nuisance.”

“Why?”

“Because I need to stay awake if we want to make this drive, Spongebob.”

“We can stop any time, Squidward. And you can sleep for a while then we can start again.”

His fatigue converted into bitterness in his tone. “And get trapped in this snowstorm? And freeze to death until Krabs finds our bodies and harvests our conveniently chilled organs so he can sell them to the black market and fatten his bank account? No thanks.”

Spongebob looked away, at the window. The pane changed to white, then black, then white from the intermittent bursts of snowfall. “I’m sorry.”

Squidward’s view was limited to a sliver of road. He could barely see where he was going. “For what?”

“Not being able to drive.”

“It wouldn’t have made a difference if you could. I wouldn’t trust my own mother to drive in this blizzard.”

“And yet you’re driving.”

“Someone has to.” They both ignored the creak as he jolted the stick-shift and changed gears. The boat hummed and moved faster.

“You look tired, though. And are you crying?”

Squidward blinked. He tried not to notice the colorful dots in his visage. His eyes hurt. “I’m neither. Or both. I can’t tell, probably because of all the onions in the backseat. Who sends someone to pick up an onion shipment at night three towns over during a snowstorm, anyway? Mr. Krabs, that’s who.”

Spongebob’s smile was wan. “It was nice of him to let us run errands together. He doesn’t usually do that.”

“Spongebob.”

There was a pause.

“Yes?”

There was a longer pause.

“Keep talking.”

Spongebob looked over the dashboard. He wondered how Squidward was navigating through the maelstrom when he himself didn’t even know if they were still on the road, or if there was even a road left to follow. “The weather is interesting.”

Squidward was squinting. Spongebob didn’t know if it was because he was annoyed, or just trying to see better. “You need to try harder than that.” It was the former.

Spongebob saw a sign. It made him happy, because at least he could read signs. “There’s a gas station nearby. Maybe if you pull over, I could buy you a soda.” Sign-reading was his only contribution in this trip so far. That bothered him a lot.

“How many times do I have to tell you? We’re not stopping.”

“Just trying to help.” He looked out the window, sulking. They passed the gas station.

“I’d knock you on the head if I weren’t so sleepy.”

Spongebob saw another sign.

“Squidward, there’s a motel coming up. We should stop there.”

Squidward saw red. He wanted to sleep. His eyes hurt, and he couldn’t even rub them because he was half-afraid they would drive into a tree if he took even just one suction cup off the steering wheel. He was annoyed. He didn’t want to take it out on Spongebob, but he couldn’t help himself.

“Why is it that whenever you go up and above for Mr. Krabs, we all sit back and applaud and yet whenever I want a job well done and on time, all I get is the most annoying conscience of all?”

“You’ve already done a good job. You’re driving with zero visibility in the dead of night with onions in the backseat. I think anyone would be impressed, Squidward.”

“Are you?” He asked accusingly.              

Spongebob’s brows creased. He looked at Squidward, confused. “Am I what?”

“Impressed.”

“Of course I am.”

Squidward stared up ahead, trying to look as blank as possible. “Well, at least someone is.”

“You’re a valuable employee, Squidward. Even Mr. Krabs sees that.”

“He only gives me tasks that you can’t do. And it just so happens that you can do practically everything.”

“Thank you. But I can’t drive,” Spongebob said ruefully.

“Driving sucks anyway. Why would you want to?”

“So I can bring us to all sorts of places, too.”

Squidward groaned. He was tired. He didn’t want to think or talk any more than necessary. But he was thankful that Spongebob was making him do both. “You brought us above water. Twice. Pretty sure you’ve got that covered.”

Hearing that made Spongebob happy. But he was still more concerned about Squidward.

“You look exhausted,” Spongebob said.

Squidward’s shoulders slumped. He could see white. He couldn’t discern between the snow and the blurry edges in his vision anymore.

“Constantly calling me tired is just making me more tired, you know.”

“We can stop. Bikini Bottom is just an hour away and Mr. Krabs’ll check the shipment in the morning. We’ll sleep for a while then wake up early and get to the Krusty Krab before he does.”

Squidward was silent at first. The road was getting clearer. They could see the gray of the asphalt.

“What if he finds out?” He asked.

“He won’t.”

“His boat is going to reek of onions for months.”

“It usually smells worse.”

Squidward smiled. It was the first good joke Spongebob had ever made. The woods had tapered down to the occasional tree. There was a row of lights up ahead. There was also a glowing sign that was getting bigger.

“Squidward,” Spongebob said. He placed his hand on top of his, on the steering wheel. They were slowing down. “It’s fine if we stop.”

“Okay, Spongebob.”

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt was "Squidward and Spongebob go on a long boat ride together" and this was the result. Initially posted on the my tumblr, squidbob-is-canon. Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
